That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We left the knife in your bed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
