you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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