you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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