Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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