I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
