watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
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The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
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How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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