is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
