I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We need to get me chipped asap
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
