i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
