very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
