and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just puked most of my soul out..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
