His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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