someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.