I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am