i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.