went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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