How drunk are you??
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country