I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!