he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.