My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
