My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
