watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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