i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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