My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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