the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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