The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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