I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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