Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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