does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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