We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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