You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
