I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
