whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
