We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
