im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
