my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
