I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
