There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
