you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
