I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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