At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
