Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
