HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
