So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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