i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
