Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
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do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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