those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
