I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
