U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
