i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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