Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
