She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
