Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
