you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
