Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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