If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
