u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
