I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
