idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
