I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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