made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My dad is sitting where you rode me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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