So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
