I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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