I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
