Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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