It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
