is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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