why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
