it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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