I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
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She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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