I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
