did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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