i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am one with the molecules
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
