u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
