I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
