It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
