ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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