He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
