this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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