i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
