dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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