Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Buhtt sex?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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