his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
