PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
