well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
