omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
