This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
