I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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