At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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